Pacing My Way

Heading to parking spot

When I began the deconditioning process, I felt the conditioning mostly in my open head and my open root. I was very aware that I was always being pushed by others to do things I didn’t want to do, mentally and physically.

A couple of months into my deconditioning, I went shopping. I drove into the store’s parking lot, and I immediately found a space by the door, a prime parking space or what I like to call “Rock Star Parking”!

I went in and did my shopping, and as I came out, the driver of a big SUV spotted me and decided to wait for my parking space. Ugh.

In the past, I would have rushed to my car to throw all my stuff into the trunk and quickly drive out of my spot to get out of this person’s way. Nope, not this time. I centered myself and watched and held the pressure that I was feeling. It was at that moment that I became aware of how conditioned I was to hurry. I desperately wanted to get rid of the pressure, but I decided to pretend that I was parked far away and that no one was waiting for me. I would take my time.

I proceeded to unload my cart into my car, and I went at my pace. I didn’t hurry, and I fought the urge to do so. I opened the trunk of my car and put in a few items. Then, I opened the door to the back seat and put a few things in there. Next, I strolled my empty cart across a lane to store it. I got into my car. I sat there and answered a couple of text messages. I hooked up my phone to my car so I could play music; I searched and tapped into my favorite playlist. I took a few sips of a latte I had purchased, and I put my keys in the ignition. THEN, I drove away.

I have to admit that while I was moving at my pace, my open solar plexus and open heart were also having a field day! Throughout the process, I was bracing myself for honking and yelling from the other driver in hopes that it would speed me up. It was a needless worry because neither happened.

All my life, unbeknownst to me, I had been dealing with those open head and open root pressures, but they came from people I knew, or so I thought. I wasn’t aware of how deep the conditioning could be and how and where it would pop up. I never imagined that the beginning of my real awareness would begin with a parking space.

When Did the Volume Go Up to 11?

Maximum Volume

As I’ve been deconditioning, I’ve noticed that my hearing has become sensitive. I’ve become hypersensitive to sounds. What I am now witnessing is that am very clairaudient. I pick up information through my ears. And as I become more sensitive to sounds, the more I am aware of my intuition.

I used to be able to take a spin class and ride while enjoying the loud music, but that doesn’t happen anymore. I cannot make it through 10 minutes of class without 1) leaving or 2) plugging up my ears. I carry a set of concert earplugs with me everywhere I go. The other day, I had to pop them in my ears while I was vacuuming out my car. The high-pitch sucking sound made my eardrums hurt. When I go to concerts, the symphony, a dance performance, a lecture, I need to wear my earplugs.

I can see that I am returning to the hearing sensitivity that I had in childhood. When I was a child, I could hear everything! I used to lay in bed at night, and I could hear when a paper tacked to the refrigerator fell to the floor! Three rooms separated me from the kitchen.

A few changes  I have noticed: In the past, I read books, but now, I have developed a preference for audio books. I also listen to lots of music during the day and now, I am listening to soothing music or nature sounds while I sleep at night.

DTPHX Living

View of DTPHX from my parking garage

View of DTPHX from my parking garage

As soon as my lease was up, on June 29, 2016, I moved into my new apartment in Downtown Phoenix (DTPHX).

Since I have moved into my new home, I can feel myself generating. As long as I’m within the area of where I live, I feel a constant vibration within myself. I used to feel it sporadically, but now, it’s always on, well, at least for the time being.

People are coming at me! I have been in contact with more people in the last three months than I have been in the last 20 years! I can feel that I am pulling them in. I am attracting them, enveloping them. And for the first time, I am responding to people on a level that I have never witnessed before.

Over the years, I have learned to sit and wait and do NOTHING. My mind totally trips out on that fact! It feels so unproductive and yet; it’s the most productive thing my body does! There are actual “results”!

Three days after I moved into my new place. I meet G. at a writing group, and upon finding out what I do for a living (graphic/book designer), he asked if I would be interested in working with him on book covers. My body lit up like a Christmas tree! He gave me his contact information and after a few emails back and forth, we left it at that. As much as I wanted to push, I sat waiting to respond.

A couple of days ago, G. sent an email to me wanting to know if I was still interested in working with him. Totally! I was so excited to hear that he wanted to work with ME! No one has ever approached me in this manner before!

In the past, I used to chase down work, going to network meetings, pushing myself on others trying to find freelance work and not understanding why I couldn’t get work. The harder I tried, the more frustrated I became. I couldn’t make anything happen the way I wanted it. I had no idea that I needed to wait to respond and have life come at me!

As of yet, I don’t know if G. and I will be working together. As of yesterday afternoon, it seems like we will, but honestly, I won’t know until I respond to his call informing me to proceed with the project. This period of not knowing used to be very upsetting to me, now, I just relax in it. I keep myself plenty busy with other things that I respond to and love doing. And if all I can do is lay out on my sofa and watch Netflix, well, then that’s what I do! Believe it or not, I do that way more than people realize.