Burning at the Stake

fire-line-lowrider-hood-flames

This morning, I was online chatting with a Human Design buddy. As were conversing, he had a couple of questions for me.

Do I get “burned at the stake” a lot? 

Does the projection field come at me from other 5/1s, too?

Yes and yes.

I have had to deal with my tarnished/ruined reputations and burnings at the stake ALL OF MY LIFE. The way I saw it before Human Design was that people either LOVED me or HATED me. I never seemed to fall into a middle ground where I was just liked or treated indifferently. I’ve always felt the intense passion from people one way or another. People were loving or cruel. It was a relief when I finally found out about my profile. Life made more sense.

As I approach my fifth year of deconditioning, I still deal with tainted/ruined reputations and stake burnings, but less so now and differently than I’ve experienced in the past. The difference now is that I walk into projections fields that are correct for me. Of course, this is all an experiment, so every once in a while, I come across someone who can’t hear me and therefore, it all goes to shit. Or does it?

The last time I was burnt was five months ago. I was hanging out with a new friend, Ni. She and I had met several years ago at a party hosted by a mutual friend. Over the years, we continued to meet up at other parties. Well, we met again, and we finally exchanged numbers. We both agreed it was ridiculous we hadn’t hung out together outside of our friends’ parties.

Over several months, we met up for dinner, hung out, and talked on the phone. At the time, she was going through a tough experience with an ex-boyfriend. She asked for my advice, and I was happy to share it. I, also, introduced her to Human Design and she wanted to know more. I ran her chart, and that’s when I discovered she was a 5/1, too. We talked for hours comparing and contrasting our 5/1 experiences.

And yes, the projection field comes from other 5/1s, too. Not long after that conversation, I knew that Ni felt completely understood by me and now, she wanted more of my time, more of my energy. It was more, more, more. I didn’t have any more to give. In fact, the more that she was calling me out, the more I wanted to run away and hide. 

I didn’t hide. I was very upfront and told her that I didn’t have the time and energy that she needed from me. I couldn’t fulfill that need for her. It seemed like she understood, but I could feel the words move in her and then, out of her. She wasn’t hearing me. Fucking projection field was up, and it wasn’t coming down!!!

Then, she became very jealous of the time I spent with other people. She was a Facebook friend, and she started stalking me. She even contacted a very close friend of mine, Ree, and started texting her to find out if I was ok because I wasn’t answering my texts right away. There were many, many times I didn’t so this was news to me!

And one night, Ni snapped and sent me close to a hundred texts. As it started happening, I was out with my friend, Ree and she had posted on Facebook that we were at a nightclub dancing. There were so many texts blowing up my phone that I didn’t even have the energy to read them all. They put me in overload. I would scroll, and my eye would catch one.

I caught one about how I NEVER invite her to do things with my friends and me, which was entirely false. And then, I scrolled again and found … YOU AREN’T THE PERSON I THOUGHT YOU WERE! And I thought … here come the flames!

I did manage to read a few at the end. She kept saying … BYE! … followed by more texts which I didn’t have the energy to even read. I did respond to her at one point to please stop texting me or calling me; in addition to texting, she was also calling me. She was acting more like a jealous lover, than a good friend.

The next morning, I thought about calling her back, but I couldn’t. My body wouldn’t allow it. I never did call her back. My mind wanted to talk this out, to clear the air.  I had zero energy for it. Trying to call her felt like I was pushing to make something happen. Before HD, I would have forced myself to call her. We would have talked. Our friendship would appear fine, but then slowly she would continue her behavior, and our friendship would have ended in even more confusion and hatred. This is a pattern I have lived many times over.

The next time, I got on Facebook, I noticed that Ni unfriended me and blocked me and I was okay with that. My body felt immense relief.

A few days later, a mutual friend of ours called me. I wasn’t surprised. I knew this mutual friend wouldn’t care what Ni would say about me, but I know she would want to hear about the situation from me. She was waiting for me to mention Ni, but I didn’t. My body had spoken. Nothing to talk about.

I know that I entered Ni’s projection field correctly. I’m not sure how tarnished my reputation is in this instance. This is the first time I really don’t know what the outcome was. And when I had the opportunity to ask our mutual friend, I didn’t. And what has surprised me most is that I didn’t even care to find out.

What I do know is that Ni thought of me to be someone that I am not. I’m not sure exactly who that is. I do know that I shattered her projection of me and there’s nothing I can do about that or with that. As soon as I felt her projection change and I didn’t agree with it, I tried to correct it, and that’s something I had never done before.

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