Death, Dying, Intuition, Genius, Freak, WTF?!

My ex-husband just sent me a text to let me know that his mother died last night.

I already knew. I could feel her dying over the weekend.

On Friday evening, I texted him a couple of funny photos, and he did not respond, and that’s when the feeling that she was dying started to move within me. I made some joke to my BFF as to why he wasn’t responding, but I was trying to hide the underlining thought even to myself. The next day as I was flying back home to Phoenix from Reno, and I had to switch planes in Salt Lake City, the feeling of her death engulfed me. She lives in SLC.

This morning, I called my BFF in Reno, and she was telling me about a dream she had last night (3/5 Splenic Projector). She dreamt that she and I were in a cute little Hello Kitty car and we were driving around. We came into contact with my mom, but we didn’t see her. We both knew she was dead, but my mom was very happy, and we were happy to know that she was happy (My mom died in 2007.). As my BFF was driving us around and she came across her mom, who is still living. Her mom waved, and we waved back. She was very happy, too. And then, my BFF said she started screaming. Her husband woke her up. She has no idea why she started screaming when the dream was so pleasant. When she was telling me about her dream, I had this overwhelming feeling that my ex-husband’s mom died last night. I knew she had died.

My ex-husband sent me a text 45 minutes after I got off the phone with my BFF. He texted, “My mom died last night.” I responded, “ I know. I could feel her dying over the weekend.”

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt death coming like this.

The first time I felt it was when I was 13 years old. My grandmother had just suffered a stroke, and my mom was with her at her house. When I came home from school, I begged my stepfather to drive me over to her house. I told him that we had to get there soon because I could feel she was dying. She was leaving us. I remember he was frustrated with me. I pleaded and begged. He wasn’t in a rush to get there. And then I felt it; I could feel her take her last breath. And fifteen minutes later, my mom called to let me know that she had died. I told her, “I know. I felt her take her last breath.”

Ten years ago, my mom had difficulty breathing and called 911. At the time, my ex-husband and I were in the middle of a move. We were moving from a smaller to a larger apartment in our complex. I had my ringer off while we were working and later that night, I checked my phone and found that I had 47 missed calls from my sister. I listened to the first voice mail and heard her voice in complete panic mode. I called her back to find out that my mom was in ICU, but that my mom was doing fine. My sister was encouraging us to finish our move.

I got off the phone and told my ex-husband what was going on. Then, the feeling of my mom’s death enveloped me. I started to cry. I could feel that my mom didn’t have long to live. I kept telling my ex that I could feel she was going to die. I needed to get to El Paso as soon as possible. We were tired from moving, and I couldn’t stop crying, so we decided to leave in the morning as soon as we spoke to the apartment manager. And that’s what we did. We hopped in my car, and six hours later, we were in El Paso, next to my mom.

My mom looked great. She was perky and happy. She had asked my sister to get her makeup, so she had black eyeliner on and red lipstick. She puckered up her little lips and reached her neck up to kiss me. She looked fabulous! I couldn’t shake the feeling that she was dying. Her doctor came in and spoke to me that she had had a heart attack and that they needed to do an angiogram the following evening. I stayed with my mom. My ex and I went out to have dinner, and we didn’t stay away long. I could feel that time was ticking. I didn’t have much longer with my mom. I wanted to spend every last minute with her.

She signed a DNR. The following day she had the angiogram, and when she came back from it, she was in a lot of pain. The doctor said that her arteries were too small due to her diabetes and that they couldn’t perform the angiogram. They did see that my mom had two arteries blocked at a 100%, one at 80% and another at 60%. I made the doctor spill it out. He confirmed she was dying. There was nothing they could do.

When she came back from the procedure, she was in a lot of pain. She had a scream that didn’t even sound human. I watched my mom over 7 hours have one heart attack after another. She refused morphine until the bitter end. She was a very devout Catholic, and she was praying the entire time, offering all of her pain to the souls of purgatory. It was excruciating, yet, beautiful and mesmerizing, to witness.

It was getting late, and a nurse came in and told my sister and me that only one of us could spend the night with my mom. I wanted to be there with her, but my sister wanted it more. My ex-husband and I left the hospital and went to our hotel room, and I tried to fall asleep. I thought I would never fall asleep. Then, all of a sudden, I woke up. I quickly sat up and looked at the clock, lay back down, and a few minutes passed, I felt my mother take her last breath. Fifteen minutes later, my sister calls me to tell me that our mom died.

There are two other family deaths that I knew would happen, but I didn’t feel their last breath, my grandpa, and my stepfather. They both had super sudden deaths, and I just knew when they left that they weren’t coming back. My grandpa died when I was seven, and my stepfather died when I was seventeen. I was closest to my grandma and my mom so I figure that’s why I felt their last breaths and with my former mother-in-law, I felt that she was in the process of dying and knowing her end.

Ever since my grandpa’s death, my mom talked a lot about death to my sister and me. I remember when I was ten she crocheted a blanket for one for each of us. She asked me what colors I wanted and I told her that I wanted all the pastel ones. My sister wanted the same. So, she made two. When she finished them and presented them to us, she told us that our blankets would comfort us when she was no longer alive and that when we wrapped our blankets around us, it would be her giving us a hug.

I love my gift of intuition, but it’s at times like these that I find it can be a very painful gift to have. I never want to be right about someone dying. I can’t help it. I just know when they are moving into it. Ever since I was a child, I’ve felt that I walk in between two worlds, life and death. I’ve come close to death several times and yet, I’m still here. I feel like Death fucked around with me for a little bit, just enough to remind me how important living is and it’s these lessons that make me very aware of how short our time is here. I also feel that my family was taken away from me at such an early age so that I have no one to stop me from living LIFE.

In case you were wondering, Do I know when I’m going to die? No. I do know that when it’s time, I will “walk out of here” and slam the door as fast as I can in order to the see the next whatever, because I’d be dying (Hahaha!) to know. I know that I won’t have a long drawn out death. Nope. No one in my family has had one, and I know that’s because each one of them made that choice long before they died.

I do speak to the dead on a regular basis. I chat with my family mostly. I’d used to talk to each one individually, but when my mom died, I felt like they all became a group. I’d say 80% are family. There are a couple of unknown souls that leave and re-enter “The Gang.” That’s how I refer to them … The Gang. They hang out with me ALL OF THE TIME and wherever I go! However, when I’m busy, I ignore them completely. Channel 34/20 works the same way whether you’re alive or dead. I can go days without talking to them. When I’m busy doing something I love, everyone leave me alone! 😉

All of my family members are all dead except for my sister. I’ve already started talking to my former mother-in-law. (She’s already told me not to call her that. Her first name will do. I know, but I’m writing this anonymously. I’m not sticking your name in this even if you are dead! LOL.) Do they speak back? Yes and No. Sometimes I hear words, a couple of words, not full sentences or I’ll get flashes of information in pictures or pictures of words, or I’ll find something, someplace, or someone that has an answer. I may spontaneously meet someone and they’ll bust into a conversation with me. As they share their secrets, I’m getting answers. I used to secretly think that I was bat-shit crazy until I went to see Allison DuBois speak about her experiences as a Medium. When I saw her in action that I was like, “Fuck yeah! I’m not a nut case. I do have one foot in the door!” Then, I read every book she wrote. Yup. I’m not alone.

All this “death talk,” talking about death and The Gang made my ex-husband feel very uncomfortable when we were together. In the past, it’s not something I shared even with my closest friends.Long before Human Design, I knew talking about that stuff either made me sound like a genius or a complete freak. (Channel 43/23) My intuition is pretty solid, but it can be hard for people to take; however, in the last year, ever since I moved to Downtown Phoenix I have found myself surrounded by people that appreciate that aspect of me. They ask me for my advice, and all of my advice is very intuitive. They aren’t afraid that I can’t explain what I know or how I know it, but they trust it after they’ve witnessed it.

It can be as simple as sitting around in a coffee shop while talking to my new bestie. The day before I went to Reno, I picked up my bestie’s partner from the airport. Her partner and I went to hang out at a coffee shop before I drove us home.

New Bestie: I hope I can get my apartment in Chicago rented by July 1st.
Me: You will.
New Bestie: Hopefully, my landlord can get someone in by July 15th so I don’t have to pay a full month’s rent. Oh, my apartment is such a mess. I can’t believe they are showing it.
Me: Seriously, don’t worry. It’ll all work out. They’ll find someone for July 1st. Shit, they’ll most likely increase the rent by at least 30%. It’ll be a win-win for everyone. You’ll have it rented before you go back to Chicago [in 6 days].
New Bestie: You really think so?
Me: Yup. You’ll have it rented before you get on the plane.

Then six days go by, and I get this text while I’m in Reno and she’s getting ready to board her plane to Chicago.

New Bestie: Shutting phone off. Missed you in Phx!!! Can’t wait to reconvene!!!
Me: Take care! See you soon!

A few minutes pass, and I get this message.

New Bestie: My apartment was rented you were right!!!
Me: Yup. I see the future.

(Ha! I guess my body was done writing this! It hit the publish button before I could wrap it up and before I found a photo to insert. LOL. Ok. Done!)

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